I just needed to get that out, you know, like when you’re really desperate for  a wee. All the way home on the bus, I was thinking you self-righteous cow. I wouldn’t mind if I was a repeat offender, but this was the first (and now only) time that I forgotten to give that shitty token in. Bring back the card operated lockers  we used to have, the ones we liked remember, and none of this would have happened. Anyway I have one of those little pound replacement tokens that you use in supermarket trolleys now. That’ll show her.

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For a man short in stature and even shorter on temper it, always concerned me whether it was a good idea for his health to enter the service industry. My point is vindicated by this rant and his lack of patience with less the observant customers.  If you wish to witness him lose his rag first hand, get yourself along to the Town Mill Bakery. Then all you have to do is ask for marmalade with your toast  (expect some sort of grumbling response about there being no orange groves in Dorset) or the music to be turned down.  Ooh, a personal favourite of mine, ask for ketchup with anything. That really pisses him off.

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Do you know how long I spent down the pub talking bollocks before coming up with this website? Well it was at least twenty minutes and most of that was thanks to a Stella and After Shock chaser (just wait until my online detective show ‘Sausage and Chips’ hits the web). Then after much hard graft getting the donkey work done and spending my meagre wages getting stuff set up, these fuckers come along and start following me on Twitter with their flash site. Now I’m not totally clear about who came first, them, or me, but I do know that it all looks suspiciously similar. All, apart from their smiley demeanour. Come on guys, get angry; that’s what ranting is about. How on earth are you going to get someone to change things for your benefit with that wholesome grin? You need to get in peoples faces and f*ck up their shit!

So, faced with some healthy competition, and they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I’m off to find someone angry, even if does end up being some tramp that I’ve been flicking with a wet tea towel. In the mean time if Project: Rant and I ever go mano a mano, then this is how it’s going to go down:

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You got this big chance, the world is your stage and everybody, and I mean fucking everybody, is watching. So what are you going to do? It’s got to be something different, something that will surprise everyone and raise the bar in your given field. The sort of thing that changes the way people think about how things can be done. Now all the groundwork has been done and the publicity has built the expectancy to fever pitch. They’re all waiting and watching twitching in their seats.

And what is your grand gesture to your global audience? The same old shit you always do. Make for the nearest central square or monuments, put up some badly made banners, drink cider, smoke weed and generally stink up the place. I mean ffs! You have this absolutely amazing opportunity to create a mass gathering of people all over the world, who are pissed with this lot for basically fucking everything up for everyone and you make sure that you marginalise any newcomers to the cause by selling it as a riot…and a not very good one at that.

Planning and tactics people, that’s what it’s about and shit that causes disruption to people making money. Look at what Plane Stupid did, they stopped planes taking off, people going on holiday and the airport and airlines delivering their service. They got maximum publicity, they were all over the papers and some the demonstrators became minor celebrities out of it. They only name you lot managed to get in the papers, was the bloke who cashed in his chips.

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